I am a Poser!

 

I am a poser. I’ve studied yoga and now Pilates for a combined 20 years. The more I study, the more I start to under the concept of practice and am humbled by the body of work that require precision, repetition and respect.

I am a poser. I have discovered that the repetition brings me comfort. I realize that the practice gives me the illusion of mastery, while humbling me to my personal limitations.

I am a poser… On the other side of the definition. I wonder what in my life is illusion… the other darker poser. What’s real or veneer? And like to consider that we are all posers, a Janus (albeit a friendly one) to some degree.

I have been a yoga poser for a while. I am a relatively new Pilates Poser. I came to Pilates two years ago as a sick woman. I was gently embraced by a beautiful instructor (Kristin) through who’s tenderness and precision helped me rediscovered myself.

Here’s the back story….

One day three years ago, I was crippled with painful peripheral neuropathy. Meaning I had severe pain in my hands and feet. My beautiful stiletto heels were now the enemy and I could barely open a door knob without winching. I was starting to believe that I was entering the “SJGR” (sh*t just got real) stage of life when you start to decline in the sad part of life. The sad part is one that limits your mobility and is starts to evolve around pain, pain mitigation, doctors, medications and the overarching bad mood associated with pain (I learned this is why many older people seem cranky; they hurt.. so be nice. It is horrible to feel bad all the time). Through a series of well-meaning friends and recommendations, I broke free of the doctor-medicine-pain cycle. My diagnosis went from Multiple Sclerosis to Lupus, RA and then the vague Fibromyalgia. Then something amazing happened, I found a holistic physician who tested me for a wide range of maladies and then the puzzle started to come together. I had a series of food allergies and intolerances and I had off-the-charts levels of aspartame in my system. It appears I was being not-so-slowly poisoned by my quest for weight loss and sugar control. The prescription was rather basic: natural foods only. Then there was the elimination of wheat, wheat gluten, dairy, sugar, white flour and anything processed. Seems a bit extreme, yet when you are getting progressively sicker; you will try the treatment. I was warned that the first several weeks would be hard. It is compared to a detox. They were right. The first 2 weeks, I felt like I had the flu. My joints hurt. My head hurt. I was tired. Then around day 15, when I was ready to quit; I felt amazing. I woke up feeling renewed. My feet and hands hurt, but they did not throb. My headache dissipated and my mood was happy (not completely giddy) but much more palpable than feel constantly bitchy (cite: nasty resting bitch face).

At the cornerstone of my comeback was Pilates. When your feet and hands hurt you stop doing things that might aggravate the condition, including my beloved yoga. You stop exercising. You use movement with caution, I was continually anxious that my fingers would seize up while typing. Now this affects how I make my living, my fingers would hurt while I typed. I could not feel the tips, yet pain would radiate through my hands and arms. This was incredibly difficult for me. I was an elite athlete in my youth. Exercise and training is part of my DNA and discipline. I work out, but not anymore. Damn you, SJGR!  Through research and conversation, I found Pilates does not depend on verticality. It employs a variety of non-load bearing equipment: reformer, Cadillac, chair, barrel that give you full range of motion workouts without extremity stress. My quest for a Pilates experience became borderline religious. It healed me. I was looking for a miracle and not afraid to do the work. I came to my instruction journey bloated, overweight, sore and rigid. I was also afraid. Was this the beginning of the end? SJGR, again and again. Was it time to accept it, or fight. Fight for strength, courage and to regain physical ability. I wanted to become a poser. I desperately wanted my flexibility back. I wanted exercise. I wanted to be vertical.  

My journey started in private. Private sessions to focus on the basics. Focus on my ability not inability to move. I embraced my instruction, learned to breath in rhythm of the motion and equipment, allowed the equipment to support me and regained trust in myself. It was a means to gain ballast, balance and became a life mantra.

Slowly the weight started to melt, my range of motion increased and my confidence started to gain positive momentum. The equipment was not intimating it became a gentle net of support. I was kindly supported with Kristin’s expert instruction and lovingly encouraged to push my sore body. I discovered a renewed resiliency.

Yes, I’m now a poser. I was all ready to join the SJGR club, to acquiesce being on the decline. It wasn’t my age that was making me sick.  I was made ill through the excesses of a successful modern life.. too much, too many chemicals, not enough fresh, clean food. I got better through a complete food overhaul and by embracing Pilates.

Today, I am vertical: very, very vertical. I have excellent range of motion and walk an average of 7 miles daily. This summer I am travelling Europe as part of the Remote Year program. In each city, I seek out private Pilates studios to continue to study. It has become my foundation to a highly dynamic program.

 In Belgrade, I was treated to an advanced studio with focus on personalized progression. In my first session, I stopped with an exercise prior to the queue. I did eight repetitions. The instructor in her abrupt manner (for the full effect – muster your best Eastern European accent) called me out with, ‘there’s nothing wrong with your body, you need to do a few more..’. Initially I was startled and a tad pissed off. Then I realized she did not know my journey, she only saw me today. I was holding back, because of my own fear not because of my ability. She saw someone strong. It was then that I realized this was a gift. I am capable. I am still an athlete. Tears welled in my ears and do every time I think of this moment.  At this very moment, I knew I wasn’t sick any more. Fuck the SJGR club. At this moment, I had the strength, confidence and mettle of the 16 year old skater I was that just landed her first flawless double axel. It was and still feels awesome.  I was back. I was fucking back.

Yes, I am a poser. Now that I’m In Lisbon (new month/new city), my instructor started our relationship with an evaluation. Through her 12 point program, I ranked highest in 9 areas with 3 requiring improvement (damn you, side plank). She is a former professional classical ballet dancer that moves effortless through space with a gliding natural gait. I think she levitates.  Her approach is stylistic with an elegant approach but not lacking in strength. Her studio is perched atop a narrow cobblestone street in old town Lisbon. It is a workout to get there and so worth the effort.

As a newly minted and re-focused poser.. I’m finding that I will seek out those who will help me grow my practice, enhance my form. There is no competitive Pilates. It’s all about you and your journey. There is no gold medal. This is about a personal path. It’s about skill building, discipline, vitality and individual growth. This is not something you can buy, you must earn it. There is something vastly satisfying in individual accomplishment. No one needs to know my journey. I guess you do now. You will not see pictures of me in my finest lululemon garb doing planks (but if I could master the side plank, then maybe I’d entertain showing off) on the Portugal cliffs. But I am not ready for the SJGR club. Never ever, ever give up! Own your destiny.. Strike a pose…

 P.S… I’m toying with the idea of writing about my entire journey.. diagnosis, minimalism, regaining equilibrium post-divorce, post- corporate career and facing the downside of being middle aged. It’s a very exciting and challenging time like reverse teen years. Let me know if you think that would be interesting too. I’m not looking to do a vanity piece, more of an instruction manual, because I feel like I’m discovering this on my own. There are no role models, we’re inventing this as we’re going! It could be fun.

Bye, bye Belgrade… Part 1

Bye, Bye Belgrade… Part 1

I have to admit, I tried to have no expectations about Belgrade when I first arrived. I did get the obligatory DK Eyewitness tour book for Serbia and looked up the Top 10 things to see on Trip Advisor. It did not overwhelm. My base line was simple: post Tito, post-Soviet, non-EU, issues with Kosovo and Bosnia. Serbia sits precariously on the Balkan Peninsula with Belgrade perched at the confluence of the Danube and Sava Rivers. It’s as if it is the goodbye point to the west and a hand shake over to the East. They have been invaded, occupied and are now in yet another cycle of recovery. What I discovered is a remarkable gem on the ascent of change with an eye on their future, challenged by geopolitical change and steeped in artful expression. I’m bullish on Belgrade, it’s stolen my heart.

Belgrade has taught me…

1- Resiliency – – this city has been destroyed over 40 times and it gets up every time. Did you know Belgrade was bombed by NATO in the 1990’s? I do not believe I have met any contemporaries that lived in wartime. Bombs falling from the sky interrupting their play, only to continue after the raid ended. My country has never been bombed by a foreign power (Pearl Harbor exception and that was a military installation in 1940) and I have never lived in a war zone. My country hasn’t been invaded, dictated or lived through regime changes (although current events might question our feeling). We have always been free.
2- To enjoy my journey – You do not have to be in a hurry to be productive. I have not driven a car in a month. When you walk, taxi, bike everywhere there is no need to own a car, have a garage, car insurance, buy gas. You are also limited to where your foot power can take you. I’ve walked an average of 6 miles a day. This isn’t treadmill or gym induced, it’s free range – -fresh air
3- I really, really have to want/need something to buy it. There are two threads here. When you know you only get 22 Kg baggage limit, you stick to it (and worthy of an overall post.. learning to live in a 22-kg limit). Next because there is no driving, this means if you buy something you have to carry it. Carry it from the store to your apartment. You really think about what you buy when you must hold it for a half mile and climb over 125 combined stairs to arrive at your destination
4- Wear sensible shoes!  I thought I would never say this.. wearing sensible shoes to me is the kiss of death.. once you go sensible, you’ll never teeter on stilettos again. This might be true, but I’m all about the safety and balance sensible shoes provide. The Belgrade cityscape terrain is uneven, the streets are wonky and there are random utility pipes sticking out of the pavement. You must be aware of where you walk. It appears that people take responsibility for their walking too. There must not be a series of litigious lawyers preying and praying for pedestrian mishaps and ensuring law suits.
5- I enjoy my walking commute. There’s a very pleasant zen aspect to it. It gives me time to connect with the day, weather and fellow workers and helps me decompress from a work day. It’s an excellent transition and I have not seen one person with sidewalk rage.. Breathe in.. gently exhale.. repeat
6- I want more café life. There are numerous outdoor platforms pepper along the streets inviting people in for coffee or cocktails. People visit, they talk, they enjoy each other. I like this. It gets you out, about and laughing. The only downside is smoking.. we (Americans) don’t do it, we don’t enjoy it and second-hand smoke is everywhere. Stinky ☹
7- I do not need TV in my life. I believe the noise level of US events is making us all overly anxious, intolerant and unhappy. I like to blame it on the newsmakers, 24/7 news coverage and the ensuing commentary surrounding it. It’s a poisonous ecosystem. Not only from a news vantage but from a consumer aspect. I am not bombarded with messages designed to make me feel bad, unattractive or undesirable because I do not buy a product or watch a certain show. There is a certain calm that happens when the screaming stops. Now, I have not actively embraced local politics (and there are numerous issues big and small). I have gone apolitical; it’s a conscious temporary decision. And when you see a US ad dubbed in Serbian, it becomes very clear how ridiculous advertising is. I believe I needed a little venting.
8- We all need to take a social media break! We have upped the corporate marketing messaging construct from buy-this-product to making ourselves affected by sometimes self-inflected negativity. Be authentic and don’t compare. Be present in the world, connect with real people and use social media for good… 😊
9- Google has flattened the world. Travel has become much easier due to Maps, Translate and Search. Thank you, Google. You can ‘drop a pin’ anywhere and find people, places and taxis. My phone does speak better Serbian than I ever will while calculating currency conversions and Celsius temperatures simultaneously. It delights me. I had been wary of this part of the world mainly due to the Cyrillic alphabet (daunting). I have not encountered any situation that I could not navigate with my mobile device. And when in doubt, speak in emoji.
10- My phone is no longer a phone.. it has officially transformed to a full mobile device. It started out in the 90’s as a phone, evolved to allowing me to text.. it used to take 3 clicks to get to an “S” so you had to be really committed to text “a**hole”.. then lastly it morphed into an app station. With the adoption of the app culture, my device is now for data followed by text and yes, I can make a phone call on it. It’s a complete reverse. I’m travelling almost effortlessly with my mobile device securing a SIM card in each location at a minimal cost. I wonder if I’ll continue this when I go back.

There are a few more areas that almost demand mention, but it will have to wait. Oh, Belgrade’s taught me to be patient too. Back to work. When was the last time, you paused to reflect on your workday and really enjoyed it too?

I know… that’s the beauty of this experience.

There’s more to tell about Belgrade… the murals, music and lifestyle. I found a killer Pilates studio that took my practice to a higher level while helping me navigate living here. And I love that I can get an excellent dinner with wine for about $12 (a lot of wine) Sad to say, I only have 6 more days then we pack up and move the show to Lisbon for July. Yes, it really is as much fun as it seems. Best summer ever!

Leap and the net will appear….

Leap and the net will appear…

After an exhaustive recent job search, I decided to start driving my life and career rather than letting life or circumstance do it for or to me. The step to join Remote Year this summer was an added layer to gain personal control. A dear friend and former colleague, David Hance forwarded a Facebook link for the program back in March. Initially I thought it was the same as the 100 IT jobs available in New Zealand contest circulating on the interwebs. Since I was in serious application mode, I thought it would fun. I had always enjoyed the global aspect of my previous positions (maybe it was the best part); it looked like a good fit. The application was concise, easy and I hit enter… that was it. It was a fun diversion… Oh, and then they called back.. Wow..

This is a clear cut case of watch-what-you-ask-for-you-just-might-get-it… Now it was time to actually do something about it. This was my opportunity and it presented itself in a much different package than I expected. Punt !

Here’s the ah-ha moment: There is an amazing power in allowing yourself to be open to options. Give yourself permission to go outside  your immediate view. You are not the sum of your resume. The chronology of your work experience does tell a great story of skill, capability and happenstance. Yet it never fully reflects your potential. I am now a converted zealot to Liz Ryan’s Reinvention Roadmap. The work Liz outlines is a ‘must do’ for anyone struggling with their purpose or looking for a job change. She very carefully and prescriptively outlines how to identify your passion (Note: splurge and get the hard copy, you will want to do the exercises) Coupled with Julia Cameron’s It’s Never Too Late to Begin Again and Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert, you are now fully armed to step into your next best work version of you. This might all sound too New Age-y for most, be assured.. it isn’t. These resources will ground you in the why and how of change, work and creativity. Change is a scary premise especially if you need to find work immediately. Through this exercise you will identify how to get a job and then in a parallel effort, how to more effectively manage your career so you can drive it. For those of us who have experienced the lay-off, it is not fun. It is a soul crushing, mind numbing event. It may leave you despondent, depressed and financially challenged. Do not despair, you are not alone and this is not something to be ashamed. It is a sad symptom of today’s corporate American compact with the worker. This is the time to focus on you and your resiliency capacity. To quote the great philosopher band of the 90’s Chumbawamba… I get knocked down, but I get up again… You’re never gonna keep me down.

In my personal game of Chutes and Ladders, Iay-off is the big, nasty chute. Special side note: when you go down any chute, hold your hands high, wear a tiara and enjoy the ride. The landing is a beast of a thud. It was like landing in Oz for me and I think I am learning to like the view more. Doors are opening, I have discovered the gig economy; landing a series of engagements that allow me to decide how I drive my time, energy, creativity and fuel my travel. Like the Wizard of Oz, my life is suddenly in Technicolor far away from the austere black and white before the tornado hit. It wasn’t where I thought I was going, but I’m damn glad I ended up here. Is it permanent? Probably not, but that’s the new world order of work. I will take as it comes and thoroughly enjoy this summer.

Make sure you have some fun this summer!

 

End Notes:

Leap and net will appear… The first time I saw this quote was on a refrigerator magnet in Boulder, CO. It was attributed to a Czech proverb. Since then I’ve seen citation given to James Burroughs and Julia Cameron. It’s one of my top 10 quotes for inspiration, which also includes Churchill’s..When walking though hell, keep going… there is definitely an overarching theme here worthy of a Pintrest board and snappy graphics.

Chumbawamba.. I actually owned the Tubthumper CD and used to torture my daughter while driving in a suburban Atlanta school carpool. The band dissolved in 2012. It is always on my Make It Happen playlist regardless of medium.

Chutes and Ladders.. the link offers some interesting insight. I used to play this physical game for hours growing up in Gerard Russo’s garage. His mother allowed us to play board games in the summer when it was raining. She also made great lemonade.  This is when kids played all summer long and caught lightening bugs in jars for entertainment.

Let’s spend summer working in Europe !

 

Sometimes the world just calls. This summer I have decided to fully explore a variety of cultures on the Remote Year program. My adventure will take in four European cities. Each will allow me to live in an local apartment and work from a communal workspace; proving that the virtual connection technology allows us to transcend borders and continue to do good work.

First stop this summer is Belgrade, Serbia. Belgrade is a city on the ascent. It is compact with an unique personality and energy to it. I arrived on Saturday night, greeted promptly by a Remote Year driver and taken directly to my accommodations. The apartment landlady was waiting, complete with house tour, directions and keys. I could exhale, unpack and go to sleep… This was painless!

My apartment is a third-floor walkup (there is an elevator, but the stairs are quicker), it’s an older building with white washed plastered walls, high ceilings, herringbone parquet flooring, spacious bath, modern kitchen and a balcony facing the street. In one direction, the apartment is located a block away from the Republic Plaza (Government seat) and adjacent Pedestrian Street (think super outdoor mall with outdoor cafes and musicians. It is very cool). In the other direction, it is next to the biggest city park and St. Marc’s cathedral. There are two workspaces in Belgrade. Both provide all the amenities necessary to do good work: fast WiFi, tech support, telephone booth, open work space, full kitchens. It’s fun to get up and walk to work. It’s about 5 blocks from apartment to work space (15 minutes total walking time says FitBit).. chance to get a good cup of coffee, pastry (oh, this town knows pastry!) and enjoy your commute. When was the last time you either commuted (I haven’t since 2001!) or enjoyed your journey from home to work? Hummm..be honest…

I know for certain that I enjoyed my commute today. It felt good.

 RSVP– I invite you to join me for this summer with Remote Year. My intention is to explore each city, see the sites, engage in the culture, learn some language, discover food & drink, do Pilates and have fun while doing some great work! Let’s have a good summer together!