Tag: Middle aged reinvention

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Back to Reality…

There is nothing more affirming than when the US Immigration official hands you your passport and says..

Welcome home, Ms Kohler…

After 4 months in Europe, calling Belgrade, Lisbon, Prague, Munich, Salzburg and Sofia home; I’m back in America. Home.

Ah, home.. time to recalibrate, take in the experience and ensure that I take all this quality growth and help transform my life. Without getting too philosophical and morose, we all do know that America (maybe the world too) is going through seismic changes in what we do, how we work, our infrastructure and our culture. Rather than acquiesce to accepting that manic corporate behavior is the norm and the only way to make a living, I jumped at dipping my toe into the nomadic pool with Remote Year’s pilot summer program. Now that it’s over (deep sigh), I’ve come back with an invigorated spirit. I can claim that my creativity has been jolted, expanded and awakened. OK, it was awesome… Here’s why

1- Discover your personal resiliency. Constant travel is not easy. Long term travel is not vacation. There are all sorts of quirky experiences that occur that can set you on your heels. You learn to take them in stride and as trite as it sounds.. roll with it.. Sometimes the outcome is totally unexpected and can be far better than ever anticipated. If you open yourself to the possibilities. It’s also comforting to know that a jaded bureaucrat in Eastern Europe is essentially the same as the jaded bureaucrat at the Florida DMV.
2- You too can live with 23kg of possessions (50.6 pounds). Yes, I did travel for 4 months with 1 suitcase weighing in at 23 kg. I did have a computer bag and a carry on (under 8 kg, just in case my luggage was lost. This would give me 3 days of clothes and ziplock bag of toiletries). You become incredibly discerning in your wardrobe choices, realizing how much you’ve spent in the past on clothing and what you really need vs. want. Less does give you more. Oh, and shoes are really, really heavy. When in doubt, wear black. Chic, utility and you can clean it together.
3– Living in the city center is great! There is a vibrancy of living in the middle of everything that is highly energizing. You find yourself an instant part of a neighborhood. People are curious about you and within a week there are smiles and interaction. You become part of the daily flow. It’s alluring and very special.
4- There is life without TV.. but I also need more Internet! Yes, a contradiction… but, I found that when you enter a new community you should be out exploring not watching TV. As a result, you walk more get more fresh air, talk to people and don’t need to sit mindlessly watching stories of people living better or worse lives, being pandered to buy products you don’t need and discovering that your life is lesser than because of overt marketing. No, thanks. Yet on the Internet side, having access to the worlds information at a few clicks has enhanced my experience. I am now completely dependent on my mobile device. Google Maps and Translate have made navigating Eastern Europe and the Cyrillic alphabet a non-issue. Data is a wonderful thing.
5- In-season, fresh food is amazing! I was pleasantly surprised to find that everywhere I stayed this summer had abundant fresh produce. Farmer’s markets or pop-up stands are prevalent. The food is fresh, incredibly flavorful and plain delicious. I made meals from a fresh succulent tomato and few sprigs of basil.
6- Our lives are completely overstimulated. Imagine that everyone around you speaks a language you do not understand. This quickly diminishes your distraction. You have no idea what they are talking about as a result you find yourself insulated in a bubble of sorts. It’s very weird, but it does help with focus. Living this way was somewhat meditative at times. You start to realize how much noise you process as soon as you are back in your own environment.
7- Do I really need a car? I had not driven for four months other than a side trip (It was on the German Autobahn which if you must drive, is the only way to drive!). Living in a city center promotes walking and mass transit. I found that I enjoyed my walking commute. It gave me an essential pause from home-to-work and got me sufficient daily exercise. You get sensible walking shoes and an umbrella. It worked.
8- Street Art! I loved the visual impact of the local street art. Each destination delivered. In an Instagram age, what a better way to promote your city than street art. There also should be a call out to the city gardens, statuary and green spaces that punctuated every city. Each was captivating. I took over 4500 pictures! Most of my art images are outdoor murals, not curated museum pieces. I’d like to include street music in the same. I’ll never forget a cellist on Sofia’s pedestrian street, attacking AC/DC’s Back in Black with the verve of Rachmaninoff. Perfection
9- Cool people are everywhere… I knew I would meet people on Remote Year. I was pleasantly surprised to also meet and befriend locals and expats. After a certain point in life, it is very difficult to meet new people. The opportunity to make new friends diminishes. This was the highlight of my experience.
10- My work opportunity expanded. I developed two separate business streams that are gaining momentum and traction. Big difference than my corporate resume. This is the point where to demonstrate that I fully understand marketing process, I will refer this as the final step that brings feedback to the first step.. Discover your personal resiliency. A year ago, I would have led any work-life discussion with work. I’ve turned the corner, where life finally leads and work fuels it. I guess I am trainable.

Net- If you get the opportunity to work offshore for 4-months, take it.

You will not regret it. It will be challenging at times, but there is real growth there. The benefits are huge. I re-discovered my abilities, expanded my tapestry of experiences and believe that my work has never been better. I’ve met wonderful, talented, funny and caring people that have enriched my heart and nourished my soul. I dream big again.

It’s interesting when the physical workplace barriers are removed. You become free range and suddenly the possibilities are endless. Embrace it, see the world and discover.

Thank y’all for sharing my journey, look forward to seeing you on the road. I’m thinking Australia, Thailand or Bali for the next rev.. any recommendations?

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This American’s viewpoint from Prague

I am an American living in Europe this summer. I do have a posting-in-progress that slides down the sugary chute of the delights of Prague. How wonderful it is to not be in a hurry to take in everything she has to offer: wide variety of ornate architecture, Charles Bridge, Prague Castle, St Vitas’ Cathedral juxtaposed with Gehry’s Dancing House and the magical art installations of David Cerny The Rotating Kafka Head is my favorite.

I would be remiss. Yes, I am thoroughly enjoying myself and discovered, explored more than ever. There are two things that happened during my time here and a side trip to Germany that rattled me and are worthy of introduction, introspection and discussion.

The first was on a Prague overview tour. An extremely knowledgeable guide named Marcus stopped the group and pointed to the sidewalk stones and a small plaque dropped in the pavement. He brought our attention to my first exposure to “Stolperstein” and the Stolperstein project. This plaque is the size of a small cobblestone and was engraved.. “Heir wohnt…”, which is German for “Here lived”. The balance of the passage was a woman’s name, birthdate, the day she was taken from her home by the Gestapo (The Nazi brand of Secret State Police), where she was interned and when she died. Yes, this was a commemorative stone to a Holocaust victim. It does cause you to pause. It is a very simple, yet powerful reminder of the atrocities of the Nazi Regime. It is her remembrance: her tombstone, her memorial. It is about her.  

This project spearheaded by German artist, Gunter Demnig was started in 1996. The Stolperstein, or stumbling stones memorializes people who were persecuted by the Nazis between 1933 to 1945: Jews, Roma, Political dissidents, homosexuals, anyone deemed “asocial”.

Since then, I have seen several additional Stolpersteine in Prague, Germany and Salzburg, Austria. I am compelled to stop, read each one and say a short prayer to honor them. You wonder who they were, how they felt and how terrified they must have been. It a pervasive memorial, you never know when you are going to find one, or stumble up.. it will disrupt your train of thought and make you wonder about man’s inhumanity toward man, the premise of hatred and the perishable nature of life. It’s a humbling experience and a very timely one.

Instance 2 was on the surreal side. I was touring southern Germany and Salzburg last weekend with my daughter. We did the obligatory castle tours, hiked in the mountains and ate the most incredible Schnitzel with potatoes!  Last Sunday morning, we woke to news of the march in Charlottesville and the death of a young woman, Heather Heyer. The frightening part of this was the images on TV.. were of Americans holding Nazi flags and giving the Heil salute. The commentary was in German and it was not flattering. We looked at each other in complete disbelief. Is this America? This can’t be true. We quickly started to look for US news outlets, CNN and the BBC for clarity. It was true. This was America.

From my offshore view, I am afraid. Not by living in a foreign country, not about influx of middle eastern refugees; I am afraid of America. We are watching you unravel. This is not who we are. We are becoming who my father and his generation fought to defeat. Overt Nazi symbols in today’s America? Hate is now protected speech? No! This is not right, this is not good.  Take a careful look, America is becoming the monster.

I send my condolences to the family of Heather Heyer. I did not know her, as I never knew the people commemorated with the Stolpersteine I’ve seen; yet they are strangely intertwined. It is tragedy.

I beg you, America not to be silent. I beg you, America to resist. I am.

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I am a Poser!

 

I am a poser. I’ve studied yoga and now Pilates for a combined 20 years. The more I study, the more I start to under the concept of practice and am humbled by the body of work that require precision, repetition and respect.

I am a poser. I have discovered that the repetition brings me comfort. I realize that the practice gives me the illusion of mastery, while humbling me to my personal limitations.

I am a poser… On the other side of the definition. I wonder what in my life is illusion… the other darker poser. What’s real or veneer? And like to consider that we are all posers, a Janus (albeit a friendly one) to some degree.

I have been a yoga poser for a while. I am a relatively new Pilates Poser. I came to Pilates two years ago as a sick woman. I was gently embraced by a beautiful instructor (Kristin) through who’s tenderness and precision helped me rediscovered myself.

Here’s the back story….

One day three years ago, I was crippled with painful peripheral neuropathy. Meaning I had severe pain in my hands and feet. My beautiful stiletto heels were now the enemy and I could barely open a door knob without winching. I was starting to believe that I was entering the “SJGR” (sh*t just got real) stage of life when you start to decline in the sad part of life. The sad part is one that limits your mobility and is starts to evolve around pain, pain mitigation, doctors, medications and the overarching bad mood associated with pain (I learned this is why many older people seem cranky; they hurt.. so be nice. It is horrible to feel bad all the time). Through a series of well-meaning friends and recommendations, I broke free of the doctor-medicine-pain cycle. My diagnosis went from Multiple Sclerosis to Lupus, RA and then the vague Fibromyalgia. Then something amazing happened, I found a holistic physician who tested me for a wide range of maladies and then the puzzle started to come together. I had a series of food allergies and intolerances and I had off-the-charts levels of aspartame in my system. It appears I was being not-so-slowly poisoned by my quest for weight loss and sugar control. The prescription was rather basic: natural foods only. Then there was the elimination of wheat, wheat gluten, dairy, sugar, white flour and anything processed. Seems a bit extreme, yet when you are getting progressively sicker; you will try the treatment. I was warned that the first several weeks would be hard. It is compared to a detox. They were right. The first 2 weeks, I felt like I had the flu. My joints hurt. My head hurt. I was tired. Then around day 15, when I was ready to quit; I felt amazing. I woke up feeling renewed. My feet and hands hurt, but they did not throb. My headache dissipated and my mood was happy (not completely giddy) but much more palpable than feel constantly bitchy (cite: nasty resting bitch face).

At the cornerstone of my comeback was Pilates. When your feet and hands hurt you stop doing things that might aggravate the condition, including my beloved yoga. You stop exercising. You use movement with caution, I was continually anxious that my fingers would seize up while typing. Now this affects how I make my living, my fingers would hurt while I typed. I could not feel the tips, yet pain would radiate through my hands and arms. This was incredibly difficult for me. I was an elite athlete in my youth. Exercise and training is part of my DNA and discipline. I work out, but not anymore. Damn you, SJGR!  Through research and conversation, I found Pilates does not depend on verticality. It employs a variety of non-load bearing equipment: reformer, Cadillac, chair, barrel that give you full range of motion workouts without extremity stress. My quest for a Pilates experience became borderline religious. It healed me. I was looking for a miracle and not afraid to do the work. I came to my instruction journey bloated, overweight, sore and rigid. I was also afraid. Was this the beginning of the end? SJGR, again and again. Was it time to accept it, or fight. Fight for strength, courage and to regain physical ability. I wanted to become a poser. I desperately wanted my flexibility back. I wanted exercise. I wanted to be vertical.  

My journey started in private. Private sessions to focus on the basics. Focus on my ability not inability to move. I embraced my instruction, learned to breath in rhythm of the motion and equipment, allowed the equipment to support me and regained trust in myself. It was a means to gain ballast, balance and became a life mantra.

Slowly the weight started to melt, my range of motion increased and my confidence started to gain positive momentum. The equipment was not intimating it became a gentle net of support. I was kindly supported with Kristin’s expert instruction and lovingly encouraged to push my sore body. I discovered a renewed resiliency.

Yes, I’m now a poser. I was all ready to join the SJGR club, to acquiesce being on the decline. It wasn’t my age that was making me sick.  I was made ill through the excesses of a successful modern life.. too much, too many chemicals, not enough fresh, clean food. I got better through a complete food overhaul and by embracing Pilates.

Today, I am vertical: very, very vertical. I have excellent range of motion and walk an average of 7 miles daily. This summer I am travelling Europe as part of the Remote Year program. In each city, I seek out private Pilates studios to continue to study. It has become my foundation to a highly dynamic program.

 In Belgrade, I was treated to an advanced studio with focus on personalized progression. In my first session, I stopped with an exercise prior to the queue. I did eight repetitions. The instructor in her abrupt manner (for the full effect – muster your best Eastern European accent) called me out with, ‘there’s nothing wrong with your body, you need to do a few more..’. Initially I was startled and a tad pissed off. Then I realized she did not know my journey, she only saw me today. I was holding back, because of my own fear not because of my ability. She saw someone strong. It was then that I realized this was a gift. I am capable. I am still an athlete. Tears welled in my ears and do every time I think of this moment.  At this very moment, I knew I wasn’t sick any more. Fuck the SJGR club. At this moment, I had the strength, confidence and mettle of the 16 year old skater I was that just landed her first flawless double axel. It was and still feels awesome.  I was back. I was fucking back.

Yes, I am a poser. Now that I’m In Lisbon (new month/new city), my instructor started our relationship with an evaluation. Through her 12 point program, I ranked highest in 9 areas with 3 requiring improvement (damn you, side plank). She is a former professional classical ballet dancer that moves effortless through space with a gliding natural gait. I think she levitates.  Her approach is stylistic with an elegant approach but not lacking in strength. Her studio is perched atop a narrow cobblestone street in old town Lisbon. It is a workout to get there and so worth the effort.

As a newly minted and re-focused poser.. I’m finding that I will seek out those who will help me grow my practice, enhance my form. There is no competitive Pilates. It’s all about you and your journey. There is no gold medal. This is about a personal path. It’s about skill building, discipline, vitality and individual growth. This is not something you can buy, you must earn it. There is something vastly satisfying in individual accomplishment. No one needs to know my journey. I guess you do now. You will not see pictures of me in my finest lululemon garb doing planks (but if I could master the side plank, then maybe I’d entertain showing off) on the Portugal cliffs. But I am not ready for the SJGR club. Never ever, ever give up! Own your destiny.. Strike a pose…

 P.S… I’m toying with the idea of writing about my entire journey.. diagnosis, minimalism, regaining equilibrium post-divorce, post- corporate career and facing the downside of being middle aged. It’s a very exciting and challenging time like reverse teen years. Let me know if you think that would be interesting too. I’m not looking to do a vanity piece, more of an instruction manual, because I feel like I’m discovering this on my own. There are no role models, we’re inventing this as we’re going! It could be fun.